Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
