i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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