and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
love makes seman taste better
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I just sharted jello shots
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
