i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
