Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
