Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
