I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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