So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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