Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
