I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
