Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
