They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize