I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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