and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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