What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I could make wine with my vomit
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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