The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
