I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
do nipples grow back?
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