You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
