her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
