whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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