Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
