do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So squirting runs in the family.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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