Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bring me that man meat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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