How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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