You made me cry and you don't even care
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
