i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
