dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
