I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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