But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
