$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
