so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
