I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
