Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
