Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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