Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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