it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
