I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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