Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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