Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
