I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
