He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
