in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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