yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
