I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
