Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
