I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize