You made me cry and you don't even care
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
