Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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