I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize