I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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