you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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