Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
