Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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