if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
