If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
