she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
