God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
