Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize