She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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