allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need water and some morals
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
