i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
