She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
