Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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