So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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