mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize