Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
