I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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